Take one step back and look at how far you've come. If id met the person i was a year ago, id HATE myself. Id hate myself for being so judgemental, so naive, so conceited, so shallow...for being someone who doesnt know their priorities. I cant believe i was THAT person. i cant even remember HOW i became the way i was. I was a destroyer..i destroyed most things that came my way, i NEVER gave second chances, i broke down constantly like it was a daily routine.. i was slowly destroying myself.
Im glad i picked up. It was life-changing. I feel like a new person, really. It doesnt mean that i have cleansed away all my bad habits...i still have the minor ones of course..such as partying at all the wrong times..getting drunk..procrastinating like crazy..cussing..bitching..not showering..HAHAHA you get my drift. just the minor ones that wont hurt anyone or myself. whats funny is that i never really realised the way i was till i took a step back.
I loved the people who meant the world to me. that was one thing that never changed. In the midst of all the other shit, the only thing i felt pure about was my loyalty to my friends/family. everything else really didnt mean a thing to me except for them. and im glad it was that way because i couldnt bear losing the people i love.
I cant believe that this much has changed over a year. I am so much more responsible! I actually get respect from my parents..i have priorities..goals..ambitions to travel and things to do...a world to see...people to meet. sounds cheezy but yeah. I dont want to just party and waste my life away - thats prob what i wanted last year.
Omg i sound like some problematic child just getting out of rehab or something! i wasnt on drugs or crime or abuse. hahaha its nothing like that i swear. just growing up a bit i guess. realising. listening. learning. experiencing. all that stuff life pretty much throws at you.
You know, things have been different. A year ago, i dont know how i would have SURVIVED public speaking. Now, its a daily routine. A year ago, id never imagine talking to the people i do now. Now, we talk sincerely and i dont feel like punching them. A year ago, i had to force my smiles when i was bleeding inside. Now, i can actually smile genuinely.
Hope you find your inner happiness, be genuine, learn to love yourself and appreciate what you have,
BECAUSE ITS A BITCHY COLD WORLD OUT THERE
